For fancy summertime pico. If it’s not peach season, try subbing with a mango! You can also omit fruit entirely.

Recipe

Ingredients – See the picture below? That’s the proportion of peach to tomato (that’s red and yellow) to jalepeno to red onion you want.

1. Chop chop chop chop chop!
2. Put it all in a bowl.
3. Add the seasonings.
4. Stir, taste, adjust.

Tips

Hypothetical adjustments:

• Too spicy! – add tomato
• Idk, tastes off – probably not enough salt
• Too sharp tasting – add cumin, for warmth
• Peaches are too sweet – you need to cut it: add more lime

People love them some guac. People pay the 1.75 extra – is that okay? – for guac. But there’s nothing worse than unbalanced, unripened, waste of green magical fruit guac and here’s how to make sure you pick perfect avocados and make perfect guacamole every time.

Like I always say and nobody listens, this shit is variable. Like if you hate tomato, don’t talk to me but also just leave it out!

Recipe

1. The first most important thing is to go to the store and buy ripe avocados. First feel that that there is some give – it’s soft when you push on it. Then make sure it isn’t too ripe. There is exactly one way to do this – that is to lift off the little stem at the top. This gives you a window into the avocado. If it’s brown under the stem, it’s a brown avocado. Check it out here.
2. Cut the avocado in half lengthwise, and take the seed out. Cross hatch the inside with a knife and scoop out the avocado flesh with a spoon into a bowl. Basically, do exactly what this lady does here. Sometimes, when I want a creamier texture, I’ll mash the flesh of one of the avocados in the skin first before I scoop it out.
3. Add the rest of your chopped ingredients up until the jalepeno. Add your seasonings, half a lime, and stir. This is where you want to taste and adjust. I almost always add a little more cumin for warmth and lime at the end. This is the part where the avocados break up and get a little creamier with more stirring – if you like it chunky, stir less.
4. Serve with hella chips, and some peach pico de gallo so they know you fancy.

For someone who is only vaguely aware what it tastes like but you want a spicy, sharp, fresh topping on a pile of grilled red meat!

Recipe

1. Tear off a big handful of parsley, a bigger handful of cilantro, and pluck the leaves off a pack of fresh oregano and throw that into a pile and start chopping. It feels like it will take forever but eventually you will get down to a chunky mixture. Chop with garlic and jalapeno.
2. Add all your chopped goodness to a bowl and add red wine vinegar.
3. Add your seasonings. This part is really about trial and error. When you have a bright green, chunky sauce and you realize, hey, I haven’t added everything but I keep tasting it because it’s THAT good, you’ve got it!
   • The key here is balance! So if it tastes really sharp and acidic, add something sweet, and vice versa. Remember too that spice will mellow out as it sits.

Tips

For a flank steak: Get your grill hot, add your steak and please please don’t move it! For a cut that’s about a pound and change, I usually check it at around 8 mins to see if the first side is brown and crispidy and delicious. Turn it over and close the grill for another 6 minutes before you start checking the temperature. Use a meat thermometer to check for 135° F which is medium rare. For flank, I might go a smidge pas this. If you take your steak more done than that, get off my blog.

Take the steak off, loosely tent with foil and let it rest for 10 minutes.

DON’T CUT INTO IT. AND STOP DOING THAT STABBY THING WITH THE TONGS ON THE GRILL. I AM ASKING WITH KINDNESS IN MY HEART. Just practice! If you don’t have a meat thermometer, you can check doneness with the finger-poke test which I have used to variable results for many years – you’ve been warned.

Notice the massive amount of sweet potato with black garlic mash it’s heaped on – I still dream about this one.

If you’re looking for some boneless, skinless nonsense, go ahead and go.

For the real ones that stuck around, I’m about to change your life. This really should be a freestyle, but I’ll try my best to include measurements for y’all.

The best part about this is you can scale this recipe way way way up, and bless yourself with pre-marinaded chicken for the next several weeks out of your freezer. See that tupperware with three forks sticking out of it in the back? That’s my magical pesto. We’re savages who apparently don’t use plates.

Scroll down to the bottom for asparagus that is so simple I don’t even need to say it, but I will, just for you.

Recipe

1. Throw everything in the blender and whir away. My seasoning measurements are very rough – just add some of each and taste before you taste and add more. The allspice adds warmth and the cumin really brings out the chipotle pepper flavor without adding heat, keep these things in mind when you’re tasting and you’ll find your way just fine!
2. Taste for balance – remember this is raw onion you’re tasting so remember that and just make sure there’s enough salt and that it’s balanced with sweetness. Remember the spice from the chipotle pepper is tempered when it’s cooked, so don’t be shy!

MAKE AHEAD ALERT:
What I like to do is make four times this batch, and get a big Costco-size situation of chicken thighs and drumsticks + a box of gallon ziplock bags. Add 4-6 pieces of chicken to each bag, and pour enough marinade to coat in each. Put one in the fridge for now, and several in the freezer. Defrost for an easy, well seasoned meal!

3. Once your chicken has marinated at least 12 hours, bust it out. I like to do these on the grill (less clean up, more deliciousness). Clean your grill, and oil it with vegetable oil on a paper towel or a brush.
4. Heat up the grill, then turn the heat to medium-low.
5. Put the chicken on, arranging the pieces so none of them are over direct flame. Close the lid and do what grilling folks do, which is to stand around and turn things. I actually check around every 10 minutes and leave the grill closed in between, and I keep the skin side down until it’s really crisp before I turn it over (around 15 minutes since I cook it on the lowest setting).
6. DO NOT TURN THE HEAT UP. Let it take it’s time! While you’re waiting, munch on pesto, or some peach pico de gallo.

Tips

A note on asparagus: take a gallon ziplock bag and throw in asparagus, salt, pepper, paprika and olive oil. Literally, throw. Now that bag can be taken down to the grill. Then throw the asparagus on the grill towards the end. Turn it once, if that even. This doesn’t have to be that serious.