And now, for my only claim to hip hip histoire – Big Pimpin’s controversial sample of Khosara Khosara, an Egyptian song composed in 1957 by Baligh Hamdi and made very, very famous by the iconic Abdel Halim Hafiz. Imagine you’re 13 and discovering big girl radio (shoutout 106KMEL) and you and Mama Mona hear the first couple seconds of.. a Hafiz song? I actually distinctly remember my mom saying ‘wooooow I love this song I haven’t heard it in-‘ before Jay-Z cut her off.

The controversy came when my brother-in-law Jay and Timbaland paid EMI Arabia $100,000 for the sample and still got sued by everybody and they auntie to cut a little slice of that Big Pimpin’ check! In court, Jay even claimed he ‘didn’t know it was a sample’ but don’t y’all worry I had called him and told him about it so we’re all good now.

Anyway, let’s make some shrimps. This takes literally 20 minutes to come together so by the time this Hafiz song is over you’ll be done!

For someone who is only vaguely aware what it tastes like but you want a spicy, sharp, fresh topping on a pile of grilled red meat!

Recipe

1. Tear off a big handful of parsley, a bigger handful of cilantro, and pluck the leaves off a pack of fresh oregano and throw that into a pile and start chopping. It feels like it will take forever but eventually you will get down to a chunky mixture. Chop with garlic and jalapeno.
2. Add all your chopped goodness to a bowl and add red wine vinegar.
3. Add your seasonings. This part is really about trial and error. When you have a bright green, chunky sauce and you realize, hey, I haven’t added everything but I keep tasting it because it’s THAT good, you’ve got it!
   • The key here is balance! So if it tastes really sharp and acidic, add something sweet, and vice versa. Remember too that spice will mellow out as it sits.

Tips

For a flank steak: Get your grill hot, add your steak and please please don’t move it! For a cut that’s about a pound and change, I usually check it at around 8 mins to see if the first side is brown and crispidy and delicious. Turn it over and close the grill for another 6 minutes before you start checking the temperature. Use a meat thermometer to check for 135° F which is medium rare. For flank, I might go a smidge pas this. If you take your steak more done than that, get off my blog.

Take the steak off, loosely tent with foil and let it rest for 10 minutes.

DON’T CUT INTO IT. AND STOP DOING THAT STABBY THING WITH THE TONGS ON THE GRILL. I AM ASKING WITH KINDNESS IN MY HEART. Just practice! If you don’t have a meat thermometer, you can check doneness with the finger-poke test which I have used to variable results for many years – you’ve been warned.

Notice the massive amount of sweet potato with black garlic mash it’s heaped on – I still dream about this one.

If you’re looking for some boneless, skinless nonsense, go ahead and go.

For the real ones that stuck around, I’m about to change your life. This really should be a freestyle, but I’ll try my best to include measurements for y’all.

The best part about this is you can scale this recipe way way way up, and bless yourself with pre-marinaded chicken for the next several weeks out of your freezer. See that tupperware with three forks sticking out of it in the back? That’s my magical pesto. We’re savages who apparently don’t use plates.

Scroll down to the bottom for asparagus that is so simple I don’t even need to say it, but I will, just for you.

Recipe

1. Throw everything in the blender and whir away. My seasoning measurements are very rough – just add some of each and taste before you taste and add more. The allspice adds warmth and the cumin really brings out the chipotle pepper flavor without adding heat, keep these things in mind when you’re tasting and you’ll find your way just fine!
2. Taste for balance – remember this is raw onion you’re tasting so remember that and just make sure there’s enough salt and that it’s balanced with sweetness. Remember the spice from the chipotle pepper is tempered when it’s cooked, so don’t be shy!

MAKE AHEAD ALERT:
What I like to do is make four times this batch, and get a big Costco-size situation of chicken thighs and drumsticks + a box of gallon ziplock bags. Add 4-6 pieces of chicken to each bag, and pour enough marinade to coat in each. Put one in the fridge for now, and several in the freezer. Defrost for an easy, well seasoned meal!

3. Once your chicken has marinated at least 12 hours, bust it out. I like to do these on the grill (less clean up, more deliciousness). Clean your grill, and oil it with vegetable oil on a paper towel or a brush.
4. Heat up the grill, then turn the heat to medium-low.
5. Put the chicken on, arranging the pieces so none of them are over direct flame. Close the lid and do what grilling folks do, which is to stand around and turn things. I actually check around every 10 minutes and leave the grill closed in between, and I keep the skin side down until it’s really crisp before I turn it over (around 15 minutes since I cook it on the lowest setting).
6. DO NOT TURN THE HEAT UP. Let it take it’s time! While you’re waiting, munch on pesto, or some peach pico de gallo.

Tips

A note on asparagus: take a gallon ziplock bag and throw in asparagus, salt, pepper, paprika and olive oil. Literally, throw. Now that bag can be taken down to the grill. Then throw the asparagus on the grill towards the end. Turn it once, if that even. This doesn’t have to be that serious.