First of all if you wanted chicken ‘fingers’ or something boneless, click the red X.

Anyway, this is a long-winded way to fry chicken because you ideally brine your chicken pieces the night before, and that means planning and other annoyances BUT IT’S SOOO WORTH IT. Michael Ruhlman really breaks it down on his website, and every time I stray from this method I regret it. The brine is awesome! Any number of hours in the brine really makes a massive difference in the flavor of the chicken and the tenderness. It’s also not an exact science, just throw it together and call it a day mk. Try it once and you’ll never go back!

Recipe

For the brine:

1. Put a little oil down in a pot. Saute the onions and garlic to soften them.
2. Add the salt, and stir for a minute, and then the same with the rosemary. You can definitely just throw the whole branches in there.
3. Add the water, cut the lemon in half and squeeze the juice in. Then drop the whole lemon halves in. I like to leave it on the stove to let everything get acquainted. Take it off, let it cool and then add the chicken so it is submerged or transfer to a ziplock bag or large bowl.
4. Stick it in the fridge for a couple of hours or overnight.  If you know you’re not going to eat it the next day, you can also brine the chicken for a night and then dump the brine and refrigerate the chicken for another night to dry the skin out.

For the chicken:

1. Turn the oven on to 250 degrees. Stick a baking sheet with a rack on it inside. THE RACK IS CRITICAL. This is so that when the chicken is fried, it can finish, continue to crisp all over, and stay warm while you finish the rest and it can stay in there until you’re ready to eat.
2. Set up your dredge station. Put all the flour in one bowl to season it – the amount will depend on how much chicken, use your brain. SEASON AGGRESSIVELY. Salt, pepper, paprika, CAYENNE all goes in the flour. I use a lot more black pepper than you think you should. The flour should be bright red and speckled with pepper. Split the flour between two bowls.
3. In the third bowl, add buttermilk and mix it with hot sauce. This gives a delicious vinegar-y bite that I love, but you can leave it out.
4. Line up your bowls flour-buttermilk-flour and on the end, a rack. One piece at a time now. Take a piece with one hand, add it to one flour bowl and shake off excess. Put it on the rack. Dip the second piece in the flour. Continue until all your chicken pieces have the first coat of flour. Letting the pieces sit between coats helps build a beautifully crunchy crust.
5. Starting with the first piece you added to the flour, add it to the buttermilk to coat. Add to the flour. Put it back on the rack. Repeat until you have a crust on all your chicken pieces.
6. Add a lot of oil to a big pot and heat it to 375 degrees if you have a thermometer. If not.. I just find something and throw it in and see if it sizzles and floats. Last time, it was a kale leaf. Chunk of bread works too.  
7. Add the chicken, don’t crowd the pan, and fry until golden and delicious. Put the pieces in the oven while you fry the rest.

A word on undercooking chicken, don’t:

Let’s address a cook’s biggest fear: undercooking fried chicken. Here’s how we’re gonna make sure that doesn’t happen to you:

• When you put the chicken down in the oil, leave it the hell alone and stop poking at it.
• Y’all a meat thermometer is not a bad thing. 165 degrees internally is the goal.
• We’re putting pieces in the oven to finish, right? Take one out at the very last minute and check it, either w/ a thermometer or just cut into it cause you wanna try it anyway. 

The title is simple here because I’m not messing around with this. I KNOW IT SOUNDS WEIRD but you’re gonna do it anyway because this sauce is sooo good, and sooo low maintenance, and only takes a couple ingredients. This is one of the ‘Genius Recipes‘ on Food52, but with extra seasoning because I’m.. seasoned. Add some kale and rice on the side for a dinner that comforting and elevated at the same time!

Scroll to the bottom to scale up (yum) or down (but why would you want to do this?)

Pro Tip: Stop buying things like cinnamon sticks, ground allspice, etc from the regular grocery store. 3 cinnamon sticks for 4 dollars? That’s a SCAM. 6.99 for a tiny thing of allspice? Do yourself a favor and find any grocery store that isn’t American – Indian market, Mexican market, an Arab market, whatever, and go buy yourself a big box of cinnamon sticks and a big bag of your faves, like allspice (or garam masala which can be used here), paprika, chili powder, cumin, peppercorns. Or even try Costco. It is WORTH IT to plan ahead.

Recipe

1. Preheat oven to 375 F. I used to not care about doing this because I was a child, but it really speeds things up. If at any point during prep you forget just turn the oven on. 
2. Your chicken should be at room temp! Season GENEROUSLY, on ALL sides AND ON THE INSIDE of the cavity of the chicken with salt, pepper, and allspice. The allspice is optional but to me, it made a big difference with the flavor profile because it warmed up to the sage and cinnamon beautifully.
3. Add olive oil or butter – you’re about to brown an entire chicken. Some recipes call for an entire stick – I used half. If you’re using butter, wait for the foam to subside before you throw in your ENTIRE CHICKEN!!
4. You want to brown all four sides and end with the chicken breast side up. Tongs are really crucial for this! I shouldn’t have to specify that but please use tongs to turn your hot browning chicken, thank you.
5. While the chicken is browning, smash and peel your garlic, take out your sage, and peel your lemons with a vegetable peeler so you have long strips of zest. Try not to get too much bitter pith. 
6. Drain your butter the best way you know how! Once the chicken is brown, you can take the whole thing out and slowly pour out the excess butter/oil, or you can do what my lazy behind did and snuggle a big spoon up against the chicken to hold it in the pot while you slowly drain out the butter.
7. Once the excess is drained, put your chicken back in, and throw in a bunch of whole garlic, a bunch of fresh sage, a handful of cinnamon sticks, your zest, the juice of one of the lemons and two cups (at least) of milk. For one chicken, I dump a little less than half of a gallon but I love the sauce so sometimes I add extra.
8. Leave it partially covered and stick into the oven for an hour and a half at LEAST. I left mine mostly uncovered as the recipe states, but I didn’t get enough sauce. As you all know, I like having…….. too much sauce. Baste when you remember.
9. You’ll know it’s done when you stick a fork into it and it falls right apart.

Serve this with rice or mashed potato and something green, because we eat veggies around here and also because that’s more things to put sauce on. I had it with my kale and it was delicious.

OKAY. You’re having a party! Time to scale up, say for two chickens:

• You can use a mega big roasting pan if you have one OR really cheaply (and for no clean up) buy disposable aluminum roasting pans from the grocery store.
• Brown the chickens as instructed, and then take them out and put them in the aluminum pan. It’s easier if you leave the aluminum pan on the rack and pull the rack out when you want to add each chicken. Then, add double the rest of your ingredients and cover tightly for aluminum foil. You’re gonna roast these for at LEAST two and a half hours to get that really tender texture you want.

Okay, you not trying to eat a whole chicken… never experienced that emotion.. time to scale down:

• Brown bone in, skin on chicken pieces skin side down until brown and beautiful, and then lay in a flat layer in a casserole dish and add half the ingredients. Cover tightly, bake for an hour and a half. Take the foil off in the last 15 minutes if you want to brown the top a little.

If you’re looking for some boneless, skinless nonsense, go ahead and go.

For the real ones that stuck around, I’m about to change your life. This really should be a freestyle, but I’ll try my best to include measurements for y’all.

The best part about this is you can scale this recipe way way way up, and bless yourself with pre-marinaded chicken for the next several weeks out of your freezer. See that tupperware with three forks sticking out of it in the back? That’s my magical pesto. We’re savages who apparently don’t use plates.

Scroll down to the bottom for asparagus that is so simple I don’t even need to say it, but I will, just for you.

Recipe

1. Throw everything in the blender and whir away. My seasoning measurements are very rough – just add some of each and taste before you taste and add more. The allspice adds warmth and the cumin really brings out the chipotle pepper flavor without adding heat, keep these things in mind when you’re tasting and you’ll find your way just fine!
2. Taste for balance – remember this is raw onion you’re tasting so remember that and just make sure there’s enough salt and that it’s balanced with sweetness. Remember the spice from the chipotle pepper is tempered when it’s cooked, so don’t be shy!

MAKE AHEAD ALERT:
What I like to do is make four times this batch, and get a big Costco-size situation of chicken thighs and drumsticks + a box of gallon ziplock bags. Add 4-6 pieces of chicken to each bag, and pour enough marinade to coat in each. Put one in the fridge for now, and several in the freezer. Defrost for an easy, well seasoned meal!

3. Once your chicken has marinated at least 12 hours, bust it out. I like to do these on the grill (less clean up, more deliciousness). Clean your grill, and oil it with vegetable oil on a paper towel or a brush.
4. Heat up the grill, then turn the heat to medium-low.
5. Put the chicken on, arranging the pieces so none of them are over direct flame. Close the lid and do what grilling folks do, which is to stand around and turn things. I actually check around every 10 minutes and leave the grill closed in between, and I keep the skin side down until it’s really crisp before I turn it over (around 15 minutes since I cook it on the lowest setting).
6. DO NOT TURN THE HEAT UP. Let it take it’s time! While you’re waiting, munch on pesto, or some peach pico de gallo.

Tips

A note on asparagus: take a gallon ziplock bag and throw in asparagus, salt, pepper, paprika and olive oil. Literally, throw. Now that bag can be taken down to the grill. Then throw the asparagus on the grill towards the end. Turn it once, if that even. This doesn’t have to be that serious.